Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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