Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
