May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
