She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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