i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
