Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Girls should come with a carfax report
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize