Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
