then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
