dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
