I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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