i think my mom watched the whole time
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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