So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
