My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
