I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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