dude i'm inner monologue high
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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