remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
