be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
