Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
