The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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