Just cropdusted the office
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
