these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
