i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
