i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
