My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
