...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
