Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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