You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
