I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize
