I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
