I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
