I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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