Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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