yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
