If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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