sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
