Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
