She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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