my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
