i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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