All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
