Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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