it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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