Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
