This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
