i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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