a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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