Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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