She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
