My Higher Power is John Stamos
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
