I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
