The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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