Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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