I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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