i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have fence marks all over my body
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
