she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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