O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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