I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
