Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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