There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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