So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
