I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
