We won't sleep together?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Still dying that you shit outside
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
