I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
