I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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