Whod you bang
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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