i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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