he shaved USA in his pubs
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
