if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
This house was built for laser tag.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
