alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
