Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
