Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
