nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
