theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
