let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
