I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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