i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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