i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
