Cold hands, warm shart.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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