i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
