It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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