My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize