how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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