Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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