just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Two words: nipple clamps
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