i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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