I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
