does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
