Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
