i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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