I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
