Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
