why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
