why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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