My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize