Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize