the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
