2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
