So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
