I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
