do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think your dad took our porno
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
