did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
