Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
