can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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