dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
