The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
