You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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